Even If I Had All The Money In The World, I Can’t Bring Him Back! After the highs, the lows! Life is a constant roller coaster. I was so excited, and still am, about my trip to Australia, my work prospect and my life in general. Things are really good right now.
And then, my daughter’s graduation came up. She is graduating from her four years University program in two weeks. It’s a big milestone for her but also for me, as her mother. She decided not to pursue her Masters at this time, so she will be looking for work and probably move out shortly after. I am very proud of what she accomplished over the last four years and how she managed to stay the course. She has become a very smart young woman and I hope she gets to live a very happy life (don’t we all), whatever she decides to do. Her graduation is a major accomplishment for me too, as a parent. I managed to get my first child to start and finish her degree, even with the tragedy that hit us.
It’s on those occasions, I miss their father even more. We miss him every day but some days more than others. It’s the little things that hit you the most, a song he loved, early morning bikers (he loved biking), my son’s smile (he looks so much like his dad).
We spent 22 years of our life together, whether we were separated when he passed away or not, whether we may have had a chance to get back together or not. We shared dreams and talked about our kids’ future together. Things he would do as the girls got older, how he would behave around their boyfriends, when he would walk them down the aisle, the family outings we would do, what we thought and hoped they would accomplish in life. All the things you talked about as loving parents with three amazing kids. My husband was adopted and having his own family was really important to him.
But here I am, all alone for her graduation! And for everything else to do with our kids! Raising three kids ALONE is not easy, even good kids.
Today I am VERY upset with him and I want the world to know! (OK the few of you reading this post I guess)
I WANT HIM BACK!
If you ever feel depressed enough to consider suicide and think you may be doing everybody else a favour…You are NOT! It is devastating to the people you leave behind.
We miss him tremendously, ALL THE TIME. He should be here for our daughter’s graduation, he should be here to balance things out when important decisions have to be made. He should share the highs and the lows of our kids’ lives. Console them or hug them when “mom” is not enough. He should be here to teach our son how to golf, how to shave, how to behave on dates (from a man’s perspective)! He should have been here for our daughter’s high school graduations. And he should be here for FATHER’S DAY! I know he was looking forward to it all.
I am financially independent, healthy, I have awesome kids, great friends. My new partner is great (even if blended family is no picnic). Overall, my life is, by many standards, really good ! But, no matter what, we still miss him and it doesn’t matter how much money I keep saving, even if I had all the money in the world, I can’t bring him back!
So whatever your goals are, don’t forget to enjoy your life (and your loved ones) TODAY!
And if you feel depressed or suicidal, reach out and get help. Life will get better with the right support, no matter how bad you think it is.
Related post: How My Husband’s Depression Changed Our Lives Forever